Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered: An Alternate Ending
by Dragonball X Avalon
Summary: Buffy and Xander's conversation at the end of Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered goes a bit differently. A Buffy/Xander fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I am so, so late to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. However, I just finished watching Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered, and I couldn't help but wonder what might have happened if Buffy and Xander's conversation at the end of the episode had gone a bit differently? **

"The scavenger hunt excuse seemed to work with my mother." Buffy said as she and Xander walked down the hallway of Sunnydale High.

"So she doesn't remember anything?" Xander asked hopefully. Having Joyce Summers come onto him had been a little creepy to be honest. Okay, a lot creepy. Like almost as creepy as Drusilla trying to turn him into an immortal vampire that Buffy would have to slay because he would not do well being locked inside all day.

"I think the thought that she came on to one of my friend's is causing her to repress. She's gotten really good at that. I should probably start worrying."

"Well, back to being unpopular." Xander said a moment later. Buffy just looked at him.

"It's better than everyone trying to axe murder you right?" Buffy asked, and Xander nodded.

"I guess. But Willow won't even talk to me."

"Is there a reason she should?" Buffy asked, and Xander sighed. In truth, there wasn't. He knew how Willow felt about him, and even though he didn't feel the same way about her, he had broken her heart.

"No. To be real honest, I'm surprised you're talking to me."

"Well, I remember what happened." She said, and Xander winced. While he would be lying if he said he didn't want to take Buffy on her offer, he wanted it to be because she wanted him in the same way that he wanted her.

"I remember coming onto you. I remember begging you to take my clothes off." She said, and he winced again.

"Buffy I-"

"Let me finish. I also remember you refused. It meant a lot to me, what you said." She told him, and he smiled. Then his smile fell off his face as he realized they were right where they always were. He was friendzoned, and she was still the woman he loved that he would never have.

"Xander I-"

"No. It's my turn to talk, and please let me finish before you say anything." He said, and she nodded. The two of them had stopped walking, and for a moment they just looked at each other brown eyes boring into green.

"I meant every word I said. If I thought I had a shot at you loving me the way I love you, if I thought for a moment that you weren't under a spell I...I love you Buffy Anne Summers. And not the I love my mom kinda love or the teenage hormone-filled lust that I feel when I kiss Cordelia, or the sibling love I have for Willow. I am in love with you. And I know you don't feel the same way, but I needed you to know."

Buffy opened her mouth to respond, but Xander cut her off.

"And that's why you're not doing the whole slayer thing solo anymore. I know that we help with crowd control and all that, but slaying's always been your thing. I know that there's this whole one girl in the world to stand against the forces of evil and blah blah blah, but you don't need to fight alone. I can assemble an M16 in fifty-eight seconds and sure I can't fight like you can, but I can learn and…..And I will be by your side. Always." He said, sincerity ringing in every word.

For a moment, Buffy couldn't say anything. She just stood there, looking into his eyes as her mind processed what she had just heard. Xander had just told her he loved her. Not that he liked her or was into her, which she already knew, but that he loved her. Not only that, he had said he would be by her side. Not that he and Willow weren't already there, but this was different. He didn't want to just be research support or be in a sidekick type of a role. He wanted to be her partner.

She opened her mouth to refuse, to tell him that this wasn't his war. She was the Slayer. She was the one meant to spend her life fighting the monsters that went bump in the night. But as she looked into Xander's eyes, she knew that he understood what he had just said. He knew that he was giving up a normal life. He understood that fighting the monsters wouldn't end when they graduated Sunnydale High and went off to college. But he wanted to do it anyway, because he loved her.

And did she love him? She honestly wasn't sure. She knew he wasn't Angel. He wasn't tall, dark and mysterious. He wasn't a vampire. He was Xander.

_But he's still here. Angel isn't._

Buffy tried to ignore the voice in her head, tried to argue that it wasn't Angel's fault for what he had become. He didn't ask to be cursed, to lose his soul. He didn't ask to become Angelus.

_So what then? Say he gets his soul back by some miracle. What do you do then? Do you go back to him, tell him you love him, share his bed again? Could you?_

No. Buffy knew she could never be with Angel in such an intimate way again. Regardless of whether or not he lost his soul, he had threatened her friend's. He had killed innocent people. He had taken her virginity, and the next day he had made her a notch on his belt. She had begged him to try and fight, begged him to show any sign that the man she loved was still there, that Angel was buried somewhere in Angelus. But he hadn't. The man she had loved was gone, consumed by the monster. And even if he returned, she couldn't love him.

Then there was Xander. He was Xander. He was her friend who made inappropriate or awkward comments at times, who spent time kissing Cordelia, who had always been there since the day she came to Sunnydale. He had worked with Angel who he hated, to bring her back to life when she had been killed by the master. He had faced ugly locust women, vampires and more monsters than she cared to count for her. He had always been there.

_He'll always be there. _

Buffy realized that's what she had been telling herself, even if she didn't always realize it. She had thought that Xander would always be there, waiting for her to decide she was ready to be with him. And that wasn't fair. He deserved better than what she had been giving him. But was she really ready to be in another relationship?

"Uh Buffy, can you please say something? Cause I just poured my heart out, and I am like dying here."

There were those words. The words he had said to her last year when he had asked her to the dance at the Bronze. She had told him no, that she considered him like one of the girls. A friend and nothing more. But now? Now things were different. Now she wasn't sure what to say. So she just stared for a moment. A moment too long, as Xander took her silence as rejection.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything I-"

"Xander."

"I mean, I know I'm not like Angel I-"

"XANDER!" She yelled, cutting him off.

"It's my turn to talk, and your turn to keep quiet okay?" She asked, and he nodded.

"I'm sorry. I haven't been fair to you. You have always been there for me, and I guess I thought you always would be. But that's still not an excuse to take you for granted, and I am so sorry for that. And I'm sorry that I can't tell you I love you. Not because I don't have feelings for you, because I know I do. I just...I'm not ready for another relationship. Not after what happened with Angel." She said, and Xander fought the urge to swear.

Angel. It was always Angel. Even when he wasn't there physically, he was still there. His presence was like a shadow over all of their lives.

Buffy saw the rage flash in Xander's eyes, and she reached over and took his head. She wanted him to understand her words. She didn't want him to see what she was saying as another rejection.

"It's not just that he broke my heart Xander. He….When I said we were hiding in the sewers...I…"

Words failed the blonde slayer as tears began to form in her eyes. She couldn't get the words out. She couldn't say it, couldn't say how she had given Angel her heart, her body. In a way she had given him her soul, and he had thrown it away.

Xander's eyes widened, and then they narrowed as he understood what Buffy was trying to say. He felt fury overwhelm him as the full impact of her words struck him. She and Angel had had sex. She had given him her virginity, and that undead monster had thrown her away like she was some cheap whore.

Xander put his arm around her and pulled her close, even as she shook with tears.

"Bastard." He whispered quietly.

"He….he told me he loved me. Then the next day he acted like it was just for fun, like the fact that we made love was just something that didn't even matter."

"Bastard." Xander whispered again, his mind full of various ways to kill the vampire.

"So I...I'm-"

"Don't apologize Buffy. I understand. I mean okay, so I haven't had sex. But I understand that you're not ready for a relationship." He said. He placed his hand on her cheek, and then he moved it up to dry her tears.

"But there are three things I need you to understand. Number one is that I am in love with you. Number two is that I will wait until you are ready."

"That's not fair to you." She protested, and he smiled.

"I've waited over a year to hear you say you have feelings for me. I can wait until you're ready to see if there's a chance for us."

"Cordelia and Willow-"

"Cordelia broke up with me, and Willow needs someone who can love her in a way I can't." He replied. He hoped Willow and Oz sorted things out. The other boy may be awkward, but he was good for her. Willow was happier with Oz than Xander had ever seen her, and he wasn't going to mess that up.

"What's number three?" She asked.

"What?"

"You said there were three things I needed to understand. So what's number three?"

"Angel's fucking dead." He said, eyes flashing with fury once again. In Xander's mind Angel was just a corpse, and very soon Xander would be coming to pick up the body.

**A/N: So this is my first foray into the Buffyverse, and I hope you all enjoyed! There will be at least one more chapter, especially as I have now seen through the Sadie Hawkins Dance episode. I also have ideas for more Buffy/Xander stories, so keep your eyes peeled for those! Please read and review, and the next chapter will be up soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Buffy? Hey Buf, you in here? I thought you said to come by after school." Xander said as he walked through the door of the library. A moment later, he found himself on his back, Buffy's smiling face looking down at him. She stretched out a hand and he took it, allowing her to help him to his feet.

"Hey Xander. Nice fall. Very graceful." She joked, and he laughed.

"Har, har. I'll have you know I fall very gracefully..When I fall out of bed in the morning." He muttered, and the blonde laughed. He smiled when he heard her laugh. He hadn't heard that laugh in days. Not since Angel...Xander banished those thoughts from his mind. Angel could be dealt with later. What mattered now was Buffy.

"So other than a desire to see me fall on my behind, care to tell me why we're here instead of trying to trudge through algebraic equations?" He asked, and she laughed again.

"Because I need at least a double shot of espresso to even think about touching math homework."

The humor disappeared from Buffy's face, and she fixed Xander with what he had come to think of as her slayer stare. The look she reserved for the most serious of occasions. The last time he had seen that look had been right before she left to eliminate the Master, after Xander and Angel had brought her back from the dead.

"You said you would be by my side. That you would fight with me. Always." She said, and he nodded.

"I meant every word." He told her seriously.

"I know. But I want to give you what no one ever gave me. A chance to walk away."

He opened his mouth to protest, but she held up her hand to stop him from speaking.

"I know what you said, and that means more than I can tell you. But this job….Slaying isn't a 9 to 5 job. It's not punching the clock, and I know you've been with me long enough to know that. But when you're in the field….You could die Xander." She said softly. She hated that thought, hated the idea that Xander or any of her friend's could die while following her into battle against the forces of the Hellmouth. She knew that was a possibility, but she had always thought of it as a remote one. Willow, Xander, Cordelia, even Giles weren't on the front lines. They fought when the battle was brought to them, or when there was no other choice, but they weren't Slayers. They didn't actively seek out the vampires, demons and other monsters that went bump in the night. They hadn't signed on to be soldiers in her war.

"I can't guarantee you any kind of a normal life. Even after we get out of highschool, the Hellmouth may still be open. What happens if you go to college? If you meet someone special? Are you just going to run out of class, or leave your date high and dry to help me kill whatever freak of the week I'm up against?"

Xander looked into Buffy's green eyes, seeing the wealth of emotions there, just as he heard those same emotions in every word she spoke. Though he may not like it, he understood why she was questioning him, why she was offering him a chance to leave. He had sworn to fight by her side, to always stand with her against any threat. But could he? Could he give up not just the next four years, but the next forty? Would he be willing to put his life on hold to help Buffy save the world? He wanted to scream that he would, that nothing would ever shake his resolve or his commitment to her. He had said he would always be by her side, and he meant it.

_Even if she found someone else?_

There it was. The voice in the back of his head that asked the most basic question. What would he do if Buffy decided that she was ready for a relationship, but that she didn't want that relationship to be with him? Could he stand by her side even then? Could he watch as she gave her love to another, as she got married and had children? Could he force himself to act as though their earlier conversation had never happened? He stared at her for a moment, and he had his answer.

"Always and forever. To hell and back." He said, and she smiled.

"Literally in our case." She said, and he laughed.

A moment later, Buffy had walked over and embraced him. Xander wrapped his arms around her, trying to ignore how nice it felt to hold her.

"What did I do to deserve you?" She asked softly, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

Xander wanted to respond with a joke, some quip about how she had dropped a stake or saved him from listening to vampires talk about how tasty he was. But much like earlier, he could tell that now wasn't the time for jokes.

"I could ask myself the same question. The most caring, courageous and beautiful woman in the world chose me to be her friend." He said, holding her tightly as he felt her body begin to shake with sobs.

"I'm...I'm so sorry Xander. I'm just so sorry. I'm so sorry." She whispered, her voice cracking from emotion.

Xander moved his hand until it was resting under her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"You have nothing to apologize for. You have done nothing wrong." He said, and she shook her head.

"How can you say that? I literally slept with the enemy. I took you for granted I-"

Xander put a finger to her lips, cutting her off.

"Listen to me carefully. You. Did. Nothing. Wrong. You have nothing to apologize for."

"But Angel. I slept with him, he lost his soul I-"

"And none of that is on you. Buffy when you slept with him, did you know that he would lose his soul?" Xander asked quietly.

"No. How could I-"

"Exactly. You couldn't have known. You had no idea, no way of knowing what would happen. You are a sixteen year old girl who wanted to make love to someone you thought loved you. That is not wrong. The only person at fault for what happened to Angel is Angel. He's a vampire, so he's gotta be like a hundred years old or something right?" He asked rhetorically, but Buffy nodded anyway.

"He's old enough to know what could happen to him."

"Then why did he do it? Why did he make love to me?" Buffy asked, looking into Xander's eyes. She wanted a reason, wanted something about all of this to make sense.

Xander bit back his initial response. What he really wanted to say was that Angel obviously didn't think Buffy could bring him true happiness, so he didn't think his soul was at risk. Because if he had really loved Buffy, he never would have allowed himself to have sex with her knowing what it could cost him.

But that wouldn't help Buffy. That would only make her feel worse, only confirm that she was just another notch on Angel's belt.

"Because regardless of what he is now, the Angel that you knew before, the one you fell in love with...He loved you, and maybe he felt that making love was another expression of that."

Xander felt poison going through his veins as he lied. In truth, he didn't feel like Angel had made love to Buffy at all. He felt like Angel had taken advantage of her, that he had used her as a tool for his own pleasure.

But if he had to lie and endure a little pain to bring Buffy some measure of comfort, and help her get through the pain of losing Angel to Angelus, he would do it.

Buffy was silent for several moments, not saying a word. When she finally spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Thank you Xander. Thank you for being here with me."

He didn't respond. Instead he just pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, holding her in his arms as she felt herself falling apart.

**A/N: So I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I know not a lot happened in terms of action, but I feel like the emotions are important. One of things I could never understand about Buffy and Angel's relationship, especially as I am now about to get into season 4, is how they can be regarded as some sort of great love story. In truth, I view Angel as a bit of a pedophile almost. He makes love to a girl who isn't even 18, and not only is he old enough to be her ancestor, but he knows what it could cost him and he does it anyway. Does he not think about Buffy's pain at all? Anyway, my little rant is over. Please read and review, and the next chapter will be up soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Xander?" Buffy called, looking around for her friend. The last thing she remembered had been meeting him in the library, offering him a chance to take back his vow. Then she had fallen apart in his arms, the emotional stress of the last several days finally taking its toll on her. She must have fallen asleep. She stood up from the bench where she had been laying, massaging her neck as she looked around the library for her friend. She could see from the light outside that it was late afternoon or early evening. Looking at the clock on the nearby wall, she saw that it was 6:30. She had been asleep for at least two hours. Given that breaking down in Xander's arms was the last thing that she remembered, he must have put her on the bench. She smiled slightly as she looked back at the bench. Xander's jacket was underneath where her head had been.

He had given her a makeshift pillow.

She picked up his jacket and put it on over her own before walking through the library to search for him.

"Xander?" She called out, feeling her heart clench inside of her chest. What if something had happened to him? What if Angelus had-

No. She wouldn't think like that. She couldn't think like that. He was alive. He was okay. But then, why wasn't he here? Why had he left her asleep in the library? Had he decided that her latest breakdown was too much, that he didn't want to wait for her? Had he decided that she wasn't worth piecing back together? She shook her head, trying to dispel the thoughts that had just crossed her mind. Xander loved her, was in love with her. He would never abandon her. He had proven that time and time again. He had broken who knew how many laws to get her a rocket launcher. She still wasn't sure how he managed to do that without winding up in jail, but she was grateful. He had gone to Angel, who he hated more than anyone and all but dragged him down to the sewers so that Buffy wasn't alone in fighting the Master. Then he had saved her life, breathed air into her lungs and acted as though it was nothing. He had simply done it because it was the right thing to do.

"DAMN IT!"

"Whoa Buf, where's the fire? Did Angel-"

Xander's breath was knocked out of him as Buffy ran over and embraced him, nearly knocking the bag he was carrying from his hand.

'You're back! I woke up and you were gone and- Oh what the hell is wrong with me? DAMMIT!" She screamed again.

"Buffy, let's sit down and eat. I'm sorry I left without telling you. I was here for a while but then I saw the time and thought you might be hungry." He said, holding up the bag. Buffy took it from him and they sat down at a nearby table. The slayer reached inside and pulled out three containers of food, and looked at Xander. He reached over and took the top one, placing the other two in front of her.

She opened the containers and smiled.

"You went to Jason's." She said, referencing a small hole in the wall burger joint that the gang had found when they were out and about one weekend. They made what Buffy thought was the best bacon cheeseburger on the planet. They were also thirty minute's outside Sunnydale.

She opened the second box to reveal another burger and fries, raising an eyebrow at Xander.

"Are we expecting someone else?" She asked, and Xander shook his head, swallowing the bite of burger in his mouth before he answered.

"No. They're both for you." He said, and she glared.

"Xander, you didn't need to-"

"Yes I did." He said, cutting her off. "You're the Slayer, and part of that means you burn calories like crazy. You have to make sure you're eating enough."

"A burger and fries is enough. I don't need two." She said, and he shook his head.

"Okay then. You can just take the second one home and eat is as a snack." He said, giving her a look. He knew that she snacked frequently, her Slayer metabolism meaning that she consumed five or six thousand calories a day.

Buffy glared at him again, but there was no anger in it. She knew that he was right. She had to eat more than most people would, but she tried not to be obvious about it. She would bring snacks to school or go grab a large meal on the way back from her solo patrols. But she didn't want to eat like this in front of her friends. In fact, she went to great lengths to see to it that they didn't notice, so that they didn't think of her as a pig. But apparently Xander had noticed.

"You sure you don't mind?" She asked, and he smiled.

"My Slayer needs to eat. She eats." He said, and she smiled.

"Thank you Xan for everything. I-" She stopped talking, and Xander put down his burger, looking at her in concern.

"Buffy, are you okay? Have I done something wrong, have I-"

"No Xander, you've been perfect. I just, I'm so angry right now. I'm so mad at myself. Here I am the Slayer, the Chosen One, the person who gives vampires and demons nightmares and,,,and I feel like I should be doing more, holding it together better. All I've been doing is dumping on you and-"

"Stop. Buffy you stop that right now. You are the strongest person I know. That will never change. You have also been put through the emotional wringer. You are allowed to grieve, and maybe you grieve for a while. You take whatever kind of time you need. Please, allow yourself to process this, to deal with this."

"But what happens when you finally get fed up with it? What happens when you finally realize that all I've been doing is taking from you and not giving you anything in return? I just I...I'm-"

"Don't tell me you're sorry. You have nothing to apologize for." Xander said, but she shook her head.

"But friendship is supposed to be a two-way street. Forget a relationship if I can't give you-"

"How many times have you kept me safe?" He asked, cutting her off.

"I don't know. You've kept me safe too." She shot back and he smiled.

"If we're keeping score, then you've saved me a lot more than I have saved you. I mean, sure I helped with the Master, but you're still ahead by what 150 to 1?" He asked with a laugh.

"That's bullshit. You have saved me more than that. Besides, you're my friend. Since when do we keep score?"

"I don't know Buffy. Since when do we keep score?" He asked, and she sighed, realizing what he was doing. He was telling her it was okay to unload, that he would still be there for her. Just like he said he would. She picked up her burger and began eating in earnest while Xander finished his own.

However, while he kept his face calm, his mind was another story. He was imagining every possible way he could kill Angel, each one more violent and brutal than the one before it. He hated what that piece of shit had done to Buffy, He hated that she had been used, abused, shattered in this way. And once more he swore Angel would die.

**7PM-Summers Residence**

"Thanks again for dinner Xan." Buffy said as she stopped outside of her house.

He nodded, smiling and giving her a hug before getting into his car.

Buffy watched him turn the corner before walking inside her house.

"Hey Mom, sorry I'm late I was out with Xander."

"No worries Buffy. Your friend and I were just having a chat." Her mother called back, and Buffy walked into the kitchen. She had thought that Oz and Willow were out on a date tonight, but she supposed they could have changed plans. Then she froze.

"Hi Buffy."

Sitting in her kitchen as though he had not a care in the world was Angel.

No, not Angel. Angelus. The animal. The monster responsible for so many deaths he was called the Scourge of Europe.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, trying to keep her voice even. On the one hand she wanted to tear his throat out, but her mother was less than three feet from him, and she knew how fast he was. He would kill her mother before she could get to the stake she kept in her pocket.

"Waiting for you. Your mother was nice enough to listen while I explained our situation."

"Situation?" Buffy asked, feeling fury rise in her throat begging to be released.

"Oh you know fight. How I forgot to tell you about the new car I bought. You were mad because I bought Dru and took her for a ride without telling you. My cousin Spike told me you'd be pissed, but I didn't listen. I'm so sorry." He said, standing up and walking over to her.

"Now I love you, but I should get going. I've got a late evening at work. Lots of position's to fill." He said, turning his head and smiling at Buffy's mother.

"Thanks for listening Joyce. Walk me out sweetheart?" He asked with a grin.

"Sure. Be right back mom." She said, following Angelus outside the house.

"You son of a bitch. I should kill you right here." She hissed, glaring at her ex-boyfriend.

"Good to see you too Buffy. Spike and Dru send their regards."

"Maybe I'll send mine back...without you. Kind of hard to deliver a message when you're dead." She replied, pulling out her stake.

"I wouldn't. Dru and Spike have eyes on your friends. I don't come back...well like I said, I've got lots of positions to fill. But we'll have our dance, when the time is right. Just promise me you'll wear something nice." He said with a smirk before turning and walking away.

Buffy was sorely tempted to call Angelus bluff and stake him as he walked away. But Angel was unpredictable on his best day. Angelus was a complete unknown. If he wasn't bluffing...No, she couldn't afford to take that chance. Especially if Spike and Druscilla weren't alone. But she also couldn't have the people she loved be vulnerable like that.

Right now, she felt like her hands were tied. For all she knew, if she tried to warn her friends they could be killed. Or her mother could be. Angelus could have brought backup and kept them hidden.

"Damn you. Damn you to hell." She whispered darkly. Whether she was blaming Angelus for putting her in this situation or blaming herself for not anticipating his tactics she wasn't sure. But Buffy did know one thing. This was far from over.

**A/N: So I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I'm sorry for the long wait, but I've got one of those jobs that doesn't stop because of Covid. Add in writer's block, and it's taken me awhile to get this chapter done. But I hope it was worth the wait. I hope you all stay safe, and thank you for reading.**


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